Squirrels, swinging and staying in – what I LOVE about being a mum

Hey mamas, 

This post is inspired by an article I read on a mummy site recently about unexpected benefits of being a parent. It got me thinking about the little things that I LOVE about being a mum – things that I wasn’t really banking on. Here’s my list…


Since having Little J 15 months ago, I have become a swinger. I love swinging! It’s ace! I can’t get enough of it. I do, of course, mean swinging of the park kind, rather than the “car keys in the fruit bowl” type swinging favoured by middle class semi detached people with pampus grass in the front garden. 

J has just reached the age where he loves a good park and we are lucky enough to live in a lovely little country town with lots of fantastic ones, perfect for toddlers. I try to take him a couple of times a week to our local village park, especially if I’ve been working and he’s been at nursery all day. It’s a nice way to chill out, get some fresh air, and reconnect with my little guy after a day’s graft (sitting on my iMac in a coffee shop. Boo hoo.) 

A few months back, I popped Little J in a toddler swing for the first time and he wasn’t massively keen, so I put him on my knee and got on the big swing. Oh my actual goodness! I realised then and there that I’d probably not been on a swing since I was a kid – it was like the scene in Ratatouille where the food critic eats a bite of his food and is instantly transported back to his carefree idyllic childhood. It was lovely! There wasn’t anyone else there so we enjoyed the sunshine and had a lovely old swing while I sang songs to J. It was so liberating. I was at one with nature. And It was something that will stick in my mind forever. 


He likes a good swing now!
Kids telly 

Ok ok, some kids TV shows are pretty ropey, and sometimes I feel like the Peppa Pig theme tune is engrained into the deep recesses of my brain. I can just…hear it. When it’s not even on. Even more since J has discovered YouTube (yes, he is 15 months old. Not 15.)

But little piggy madams aside, some kids telly is so nice. I suppose it reminds me of my childhood (again!) where I lapped up Button Moon, Playgroup with Floella Benjamin (showing my age now, eeek!) and Mighty Mouse. It’s a real return to innocence. Waybuloo and Night Garden are particular favourites in our house. And we are all big fans of the night night song on CBeebies (altogether now “Goodbye Sun! Now that the day is done, it’s going to be night time sooooon...”)

I even quite like Peppa sometimes (shhh!) and find myself quite engrossed in her shenanigans. 

Animal bothering 

My name is Eve and I am an animal botherer. If there’s something cute and fluffy in the vicinity, you can bet your bottom dollar that I’ll be cooing over it/stroking it/giving it bread/biscuits/nuts/grass (delete as appropriate). Over the years I have bothered numerous cats, countless dogs, many horses, red squirrels, grey squirrels, lambs, goats, bunnies, cows, snakes, several alpacas, lots of kangaroos, a parrot, two joeys, a quokka and one rather alarmed possum. 

Thing is, it can look a bit weird to see a 36 year old gleefully skipping after an alpaca armed with a handful of grass, or shrieking with delight over a red squirrel spot. 

Having a child with you instantly makes all of this ok. J isn’t that bothered by animals, but he LOVES birds. He’d watch pigeons potter about for hours and he’s an avid duck-feeder. I’m sure that when he’s older my fluffy animal love will rub off, but until then I can just pretend that my bothersome antics are aimed at him. “Oooh look J! A wittle BUNNY!! Weeeeeee!”


Staying in on Friday nights 

Before I fell preggers I was out every weekend. In fact, now that I am a mummy I am rather alarmed by the amount of dosh I used to spend on…well, boozing! 

I must admit, during those first few months of pregnancy, I found Friday nights really hard. They were usually the nights to bob out for a well-deserved drink after work with my colleagues, and then relax with a glass of wine and a takeaway at home before possibly popping again out to meet my friends for another…glass of wine! Or (as my good friends will testify) a Blue Wkd. (Whaaat??? They taste like blue ice pops!! Oh ok ok they are pretty horrific!). It was weird adjusting to Friday nights being like any other for a pregnant lady – no booze, heathy food, water and bed at 8pm! Yawn. 

Nowadays I go out about once every three months due to my husband’s shifts and our zero childcare situation, but you know what? I don’t mind really. I love Friday nights in now, although I have clearly reintroduced a glass of red to the proceedings! Wine, Corrie, my sofa and a sleeping baby. What a lovely combo! 


Early mornings 

Going out every Friday and Saturday night and drinking wine means hangovers and 11am lie-ins, followed by bacon butties and lots of coffee. 

Now that I’m a mummy I’m up with my boy with the birds, I get to enjoy the early morning sunshine streaming through the window (hangover free) and I’m very grateful to J for making me into an adult, at last! 

I always used to wonder why my Grandma got up so early (she used to wake me up at 5.30am with a jam sandwich and a cup of tea when I stayed over as a kid!) but I understand now. Those quiet mornings watching the sun light up the green hills that I can see through my window are pretty special. Makes me feel very at peace with the world! And, going to bed while it’s still a bit light in summer and watching Seinfeld re-runs is also pretty cool…

Yep. I’m officially elderly. 

Not sweating the small stuff 

Before having J I was a bit of a worry wort. I was always worrying over something. Even though I knew it didn’t do me any good, I couldn’t help it. 

Now I’ve had my little boy, I do still worry about some things, naturally, but I’ve stopped sweating the small stuff. The little irritating things about life seem to melt away really. I feel much more content, more of the time. Maybe it’s because your brain has enough to deal with, thank you, without freaking out over silly little things, so it doesn’t. On the flip side though, the news makes me sob every night. Oh well! You can’t have everything! 

What do you love about being a mum? 

Evie xx


Reflecting and reconnecting

Whenever I look back at my life, I consider myself a very lucky girl indeed. I’ve had a ball really, and have been fortunate enough to spend
my time with some amazing people, enjoy an interesting, fun PR career
and do a bit of world travelling to boot.

Usually, when I reflect over the past year at Christmas, I think about
far flung places I’ve been to, parties and social functions I’ve attended, glam trips to London with colleagues…but then there was this year. In 2014, I haven’t been on holiday abroad, I’ve only been on two nights out, I haven’t been to any wine tasting events or posh award ceremonies, I haven’t had a full night’s sleep and my back is shot to buggery – but it’s been my absolute favourite year. Bar none.

Ah, pre-baby me (on the right). Out on the town, as always!
Ah, pre-baby me (on the right). Out on the town, as always!

Of course, the reason for that is currently snoozing on my knee. My Little J came bouncing into being in March, and from that moment on, my world began to spin on a different axis.

I didn’t know what I’d think of maternity leave really. I had an inkling that I’d probably enjoy it at first, but miss the hustle and bustle of working in the city soon enough. In reality, I’ve loved, LOVED, every single second. I’ve just loved it.

I live in a lovely little market town in the Peak District (about 12 miles from Manchester). It’s surrounded by green hills and rolling purple moors, and over the past few years, the town centre has really started to flourish. Beautiful delis, independent coffee shops, vintage tea rooms and wine tasters have opened up in some of the old, shut-down shops and it’s a very fabulous place to be a new mummy. I didn’t used to love it here, as a teenager I ached to get away to live somewhere where I could be anonymous, and for several years after university, I lived with my girlfriends in various locations around Manchester. But it lured me back eventually and I feel very fortunate to be able to bring J up in such a fabulous place.

Being on maternity leave has allowed me reconnect with my hometown and has given me a sense of community previously unimagined. Rather than rushing from place to place in my car, having a baby has slowed down my pace of life to such an extent that I’ve been able to really look around me once again, and take stock of my life. Trying to get back in shape (and trying to get J to sleep) has meant hours of walking up and down streets and lanes that I’ve not walked on with my actual feet since I was a kid. I’ve actually become quite emotional on occasion as walking down certain streets has awoken forgotten childhood memories; walking in the rain with my grandma, laughing and chatting with school friends. It’s been almost magical really. I’ve even been to the library hall that once hosted my 9th birthday party (for a baby group), but I refrained from reliving the occasion by dancing to Jason Donovan and eating cheesy pineapple on sticks. Much as I wanted to.

As well as slowing down the pace, I really think maternity leave has given me a sense of ownership of my town. I feel part of something, a member of the community and, for the first time, I’ve been joining in with things that I would have usually shunned in favour of going to the pub or a city centre bar. This Christmas, Little J and I been to watch carol singers in the town centre, attended a lantern parade and been to a children’s Christmas music party at my local church. We’ve been to craft fairs and cupcake decorating sessions. Who even knew this kind of thing existed!?

Coupled with that, it’s Christmas Eve and rather than working and trying to frantically tie up all the loose ends for the year before darting out for copious amounts of alcohol, I’m in my pyjamas with a hot chocolate, curled up on the sofa watching Elf. Maternity leave does indeed ROCK.

Additionally, I’ve decided to go freelance after my leave ends, which will hopefully allow me a greater work-life balance in the future. I’m genuinely excited to see what happens, and I feel truly blessed for the opportunity.

So here’s to you, 2014. Thanks for being massively awesome. And a big MERRY CHRISTMAS and happy new year to all – and I hope your 2015 is brilliant xxxx


Looking back to ME BC

Hey mummies.

The topic for this blog post is Things I Miss About My Life “BC”. Or Before Child, as it were.

Now, before I go any further, I’d like to clarify that OF COURSE I think my baby is the best-est thing to happen to my life ever, and I love him more than life itself, but every now and again, just for a second, I do miss a few little things about my life as a footloose and fancy free lady about town, who could skip merrily down the street, with a glass of wine in one hand and a bunch of Topshop bags in the other.

And from that sentence, you may deduct, a’la Sherlock, that several of the things I miss are alcohol and fashion related. And you’d be right.

Anyway. Here’s my top five:

1. Being able to leave the house.
If you’re a new mummy or a mum-to-be and you’re reading this, you may thing I’ve left off some words at the end of that title, such as “in a hurry” or “without a million and one things” but no. I haven’t. Sometimes, ladies, you will FAIL TO LEAVE THE HOUSE. At all.

Several times in those first few hazy months, I just gave up trying to get out of the house, admitted defeat, put the baby down, took my coat off, sat on the sofa and cried. It was just too hard. Trying to get both of us ready, ensure I’d remembered everything and walk out of the front door looking half decent was just too much. Little J would have a meltdown, or throw up everywhere, or do the world’s biggest poo just as we were heading out, or I’d get half way up the road and realise I still had my slippers on.

I miss those days when someone would phone or text me and ask if I’d like to pop out somewhere for a bit, and I just got my coat on, grabbed my small handbag and WALKED OUT. Now, every trip out of the door is a perfectly-timed military operation, and my baby bag doubles as my handbag. So as well as my purse, lippy and keys, I’ve also got nappies, wipes, cream, three spare vests, baby suncream, teething powders, muslins, anbesol, a sun hat, a wooly hat, an extra baby jumper, bibs, a bowl, a banana, several rattles and a Nuby teether. Phew.

2. Wearing nice clothes. Smaller ones.
I’ll be honest ladies, since having Little J, the weight has not magically melted off as I thought it would do. If anything, breastfeeding has hindered rather than helped any weight loss, as BC, I’d have been doing some kind of crazy diet by now to get rid of the extra weight. I know that may not be the healthiest option, but it’s the truth. I’m still a stone and a half heavier than I was pre-pregnancy and two stone more than my ideal weight. And I hate it, every single day.

Additionally, my baby is not the best sleeper (ahem) which results in me craving sugar and carbs to get me through to the evening without falling asleep on the pavement.

As a result, I regularly open my wardrobe to stare longingly at my size 10 Topshop skinnies and plethora of beautiful dresses. And cry. A bit.

I’d like to be able to wear my normal clothes. And I’d also like to select tops for prettiness, not for ease of access to my bangers. Amen.

3. Drinking a hot brew
I think one of the main reasons that new mummies go out for coffee so much is being able to enjoy a hot latte or cappuccino, and actually finish it. If you try to make a coffee at home, chances are it will go stone cold before you can guzzle it all.

In the early days, I’d just flop down with a well deserved, piping hot Nescafé and Little J would start crying/need feeding for four hours/want a snuggle. Nowadays, he’s a crawling, standing-up eight month old and I’m quite frankly running out of places to put a brew down that can’t be knocked over by an over-active monkey.

It would be lovely to just sit still for ten minutes a day, and just stare into space while enjoying a lovely steaming cup of Joe. Ahhhh!

Although let’s face it, we all know that coffee is just the substance that gets us through the day until it’s acceptable to drink wine. And I miss that too (well, drinking more than the occasional dinky glass). Boo.

4. Reading a book
In my life BC, I was quite an avid reader. I was lucky enough to have a reasonably relaxing 30 minute commute to work every day which provided excellent reading time, and I regularly thundered through chick-lit, thrillers, classics…you name it.

Nowadays, my concentration levels seem to run to pamphlets thanks to my sleep deprivation and my eyes feel so knackered I find it hard to see the words on my mark-one Kindle.

You know where I mentioned that I’d like to stare into space and drink a hot brew? Scrap that, I’d like to curl up on the sofa with a coffee and read. Without distraction.

5. Walking around without dribble/sick/poo on me.
Recently, I looked down at my leggings and spotted a fresh wet spot, rubbed it with a muslin and had a sniff (sorry), and realised that it was just a bit of milky sick.

“Ah” I thought to myself.

“It’s just sick, it’s not poo, or wee.”

And with that, I carried on with my day.

Casting my mind back to my old BC self, I don’t think that, in any realm of reality, I’d think that having a bit of VOM on my clothes was in any way A-OK. Imagine.

What do you miss about your life BC?



U, me and the kids

It was acceptable in the 80’s

Hey mummies. A slight change in topic from the usual, but an interesting one nonetheless.

One thing I’ve noticed since Little J was born is how having a baby makes you reflect on your own childhood. I’m sure every parent of any generation must feel the same, but the differences in technology and the changes in parenting values and attitudes since the 1970’s and 1980’s seem pretty substantial to me.

Saying that, I imagine my Grandma, born in 1918, would have felt the same when my dad was born in 1953 when she was 35 years old, the same age as I am now. (Although my dad is the worst one for not keeping up with technology – he looks at my iPhone warily like it might beam him up any second, and I’m sure he thinks a borrower lives inside his sat nav and tells him where to drive.)

So, after reflecting on these differences, I’ve drawn up a list of pros and cons about being a kid nowadays compared to my own childhood. Let’s start with the good things. Here are my top reasons why it will rock to grow up in this era:

1. The Internet.
Completely obvious. It’s the world’s knowledge and information at your fingertips. I don’t think we give the magnitude of the Internet the credibility it deserves really, as I don’t know about you, but it kind of…crept up on me. One day I was looking up stuff in library books and using my actual brain, and the next day, I had Google in my pocket – and I can’t really remember the in-between bit.

Never ever will Little J “wonder” who sang a particular song or ponder over a misheard lyric. He will never not be able to place an actress in a film, or muse over what else she may have starred in. He will never be at a loss as to how to spell a word, get confused as to what period the T-Rex lived in, or forget the name of Harry Potter’s owl. He will be able to find out any of these things, plus a million more, in seconds. His whole life. Amen.

2. Dad can’t record over your videotapes.
I don’t know about you, but I spent my childhood permanently annoyed with my dad for recording over Postman Pat/Labyrinth/Red Dwarf (depending on my age) with sodding MATCH OF THE BLEEEDIN’ DAY. Every bloody week. Little J will not have this problem. He will not have to pull out the little tab to void the record-ability of a VHS tape or, failing that, get out a marker and write “DAD KEEP OFF” on his (ahem) beloved taped-off-the-telly copy of Home Alone.

3. Smoking is WAY UNCOOL.
This is a massively good thing. Our children are highly unlikely to smoke. Unlike our generation, they will not be subjected to passive smoking of any kind or see their favourite film or TV characters puffing away (unless their favourite character is Deirdre from Corrie. Which is unlikely). Smoking is now like, totally passé, dude.

4. Eating fruit is WAY COOL.
Again, not cool when I was a kid. I once took a packed lunch to Alton Towers on a school trip and my mum had given me a kiwi to have as my afters. I was RIDICULED ALL DAY by some of the lads from my school for eating it.

Nowadays, kids are taking pomegranates and papayas and all sorts to school on a regular day and it’s seen as totally normal. In fact, it’s probably seen as mega boring to eat an apple.

5. Mobile phones
Ok, I’m skipping forward about 15 years here (as I don’t think little kids need mobiles), but it’s got to be a good thing for teenagers to have access to a mobile. Mainly for one thing – to make arrangements to meet friends. When I was younger, if you arranged to meet a mate at the shops or something, and they didn’t turn up, you just had to….go home. Thankfully, Little J will never have this issue.

Plus, let’s face it, mobile phones are now also diaries, maps, sat navs, calculators, cameras and alarm clocks too. Which should also prevent you from being late, or lost, or both.

6. Suncream
Seems a simple one, doesn’t it? But as a kid, we never had suncream on. Mind you, we used to holiday in Mablethorpe, Lincolnshire, so I don’t think we were ever in any imminent danger of getting warm, let alone sunburnt. Once, for a treat, we went to Scarborough and there was an actual hurricane (Hurricane Charley. 1986. Blew away several tents as I recall).

But, joking aside, suncream has proven to be the most super important, cheap and easy-to-use preventative measure against skin cancer, and nowadays, babies and children are lathered in the stuff before they can even put one toe outside, pretty much whatever the weather. Good.

7. Car safety
Now this has definitely got to be a plus point – kiddy car seats are pretty incredible pieces of kit. Designed and safety-tested to almost space-rocket type levels, I think our children are lucky to have these potentially life-saving inventions for use from birth.

Again, this is in slight contrast to my own childhood where my parents happily crammed four of us in the back of a Cortina Estate, and because I was the eldest, I had my baby brother on my knee.

8. Wall-to-wall Children’s Telly
Before I go any further, I’d like to caveat this point with the fact that this is from a CHILD’S perspective. As an adult with a seven month-old, I’m already driven slightly crackers by the Peppa Pig theme tune, but if someone had told my eight year old self that one day, kids would have their own channels – and lots of them at that – I would have been a very giddy goat indeed.

All us poor souls had was two hours of kids telly a day, on TWO channels. Mind you, I still look back fondly on the Broom Cupboard days with Andy Crane…

9. Super-charged birthday parties
Birthday parties nowadays are big business. It is, apparently, no longer good enough for our little ones to be crammed into a small living room whilst one frazzled-looking mother tried to entertain 10 seven years olds with games of musical statues and pass the parcel, served up burnt sausage rolls and eyed up the gin bottle for later. Oh no. Parties nowadays are grand affairs with proper trained staff, professional cakes, houmous and crudités and hired entertainment.

And I, for one, am glad. Phew.


U, me and the kids

Cake and camaraderie.

Hi mummies and mums-to-be. So far, I’ve talked about crazy Google history, babies that do their own thing, being a massive post-baby scruff and baby brain that makes you feel like you’ve lost your mind. But, here’s a really nice THING NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT MOTHERHOOD. #5 – You will make lots of new friends – whether you expected to or not.

Before I had Little J, I’d already decided that I wasn’t going to get involved in all that new mummy shizzle. Many of my best buds work part time, and my sister is also on maternity leave (just a little way ahead of me) so I already had my baby social life covered. The vast majority of my friends have two or three children, so any required advice was pretty much on tap.

Then, when J was 12 weeks old, I decided on the spur of the moment to sign up for a local Baby Massage class. Little J had gone through the whole colicky phase, and although there are several schools of thought about what causes the lengthy evening screaming sessions, I was willing to try anything – and – according to the literature – massaging their little tums can help.

The class itself was fantastic. It was run by the local SureStart centre and it was completely free. But being honest, although the actual baby massage element was lovely, I think all the mums in attendance secretly preferred the brew and chat afterwards.

It was a chance to connect with first-time mums who were at the exact same stage of motherhood as me. And although advice from seasoned mamas can be fantastic, there’s nothing quite like discussing and sharing with people who are going through what you are going through RIGHT NOW. It’s the difference between being given orders by a sergeant major who’s got 20 years of battle experience under his belt, and relying on your buddies in the trenches with you to get you through. It’s camaraderie – and it’s worth its weight in gold.

One of my fears about getting involved with the mummy massive was sanctimommies. Sanctimommies are those frustrating and annoying specimens who, after having one child, decide that they know everything there is to know about pregnancy and motherhood and like to impart their glorious wisdom on anyone, especially those mums they consider to be “doing it all wrong”. Here’s the difference between a normal mum and a sanctimommy:

Normal mum: “Ooh we did that baby-led weaning with Keanu, it was ace! A bit less scary than I thought. If you fancy giving it a try, I’ve got a book you can have somewhere.”

Sanctimommy: “Oh well you MUST do baby-led weaning. Giving them purées is so archaic and will probably make your baby obese. It’s up to you of course, but there’s only really one way to do it. You want what’s best for your baby don’t you?”

See? Makes you want to stick organic carrot sticks up their nose.

But luckily, I didn’t meet any sanctimommies at all. Not one. I have been lucky enough to make friends with some very decent humans – ones which are muddling through new motherhood in the same way as I am – with lots of love and a big dollop of humour.

After Baby Massage, we all did the Little Learners class, and it’s been absolutely gorgeous to see our babies all growing up together as little friends.

So, if I had to offer any (non sancti) advice to any new or expecting mamas, I’d say get stuck in to the local baby groups. What have you got to lose? You’ll also get to eat a lot of cake, which is always a bonus in my book.

As a side note, I’ve been very sad to read that many of the SureStart centres in the UK are set to close, and the classes which we cherished are to be cancelled. This is genuinely sad news, and Little J and I feel very lucky to have been able to take advantage of these fantastic groups. So thank you to all involved.

And for more sanctimommy fun, check out the group of the same name on a Facebook. Hilarious. I’m still laughing at one of the suggested retorts to a sanctimommy who tells you disapprovingly that your baby should be wearing a hat.

“I ran out of tinfoil”. Genius.



Embracing your inner Swampy.

Right mamas, I’m on a roll now. Here’s the next THING NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT MOTHERHOOD #3: Your personal grooming may take a, erm, back seat.

Before I had Little J, I – like lots of women – spent rather a lot of time and money on my personal appearance. I certainly wasn’t one of those girls that spent hours getting ready every day, but I washed and straightened my hair daily, bought expensive skin care stuff and NEVER left the house without a full face of make-up.

Fast forward to bring a mummy, and GOOD LORD, I think Mrs Twit would be proud of me some days. It all started with having a C-section, as I was pretty much out of action for a few weeks. During this time, I learnt to embrace my inner hippy. Daily showers became twice a week showers (honestly!), and my hair dryer didn’t see the light of day for ages, let alone my straighteners. My treasured make-up bag gathered dust and hair bobbles became my new best friend.

When I was finally able to leave the house and take Little J out, it absolutely baffled me just how long it took me to actually physically LEAVE THE HOUSE. Little J would be washed, fresh as a daisy and dressed in a beautiful co-ordinated outfit, my baby bag would be packed with all the usual shizzle, plus a bit more. And me? I looked like I’d been dragged through several hedges both backwards AND forwards, my hair would be scraped back and my “shower” would have consisted of a quick rub down with a baby wipe.

Six months on, and I’ve finally managed to get it together enough to have a daily shower (I know, get me), and the other day I actually CURLED my hair. If I had to offer any tips out, here’s a few. Take ’em or leave ’em 😉

1. If you have highlighted or dyed hair, take advantage of the “ombré” trend, which allows you to have big roots without any disapproving stares.

2. If you can ever actually take an hour out and go to the beauty salon, get your lashes and brows tinted and stick a bit of that gelish or shellac stuff on your toenails. Have all your body hair waxed. Essentially, select your beauty treatments as if you are appearing on “I’m a Celebrity” and have to look semi-decent in the Aussie jungle for three weeks with no access to a mirror and you’ll be winning.

3. Buy your beauty products carefully. Time-savers like moisturising BB creams and all-in-one cheek/lip tints will become your best friends.

4. Bobbles. Lots of bobbles.

5: Ask for expensive anti-wrinkle creams and copious amounts of Clarins Beauty Flash Balm for Christmas and birthdays.

6. If you think you have enough bobbles, buy more bobbles.

So there we go. Not really about babies but hey ho.

As I said, I’m a lot better these days, I can actually leave the house looking (and smelling) ok. But then again, last night I found a whole Dorito down my nursing bra.

<div align=”center”><a href=”http://umeandthekids.com/category/retro-blog-posts/&#8221; title=”U, me and the kids”><img src=”http://i.imgur.com/Ct9BBXM.jpg&#8221; alt=”U, me and the kids” style=”border:none;” /></a></div>

Google gobsmacked.

Testing…testing…HELLO MUMMIES! And anyone else who fancies reading this.

I was inspired to write this blog when I accidentally clicked on my Google history for the last six months. OH MY ACTUAL LORD. It suddenly hit me just how much my life has changed since having J. It also hit me that, even though you get flooded with what can only be described as an ONSLAUGHT of advice from other mums when preggers, there are plenty of things nobody warns you about. Or if they do, you don’t listen to them anyway.

Anyway, here’s the first one. Plenty more where this came from:

THINGS NOBODY TELLS YOU ABOUT MOTHERHOOD #1. Your google history is about to go mental. Stand by…

I could waffle on here about my life before motherhood, but as you can imagine, as a 34 year old woman, my previous google history was awash with cinema times, make up questions, clothes purchases, kindle downloads, celeb gossip and restaurant reviews.

These are some of the entries from the last six months, since having J:

Is green poo normal?
Why is my baby sleeping so much?
Why won’t my baby sleep?
Can babies eat Fab lollies?
Can babies eat toast?
My baby has just eaten some envelope.
Four month sleep regression.
Five month sleep regression.
How to get snot out of baby’s nose?
Is 19 pounds 6 ounces normal for a five month old?
Why won’t my baby take a bottle?
Why is my baby a bottle refuser?
Can you get nipple-shaped bottle teats?
What if my baby never wants to give up breastfeeding?
Who voices Daddy Pig?
What does Waybuloo mean?

I don’t think I need to say anything else.

Additionally. If you are pregnant, I just have to warn you that you may soon get to know what the following strange words or phrases mean:

Tommee Tippee
Jojo Maman Bebe
Mini Boden
Nose Frieda
Ewan the Dream Sheep

Don’t say I didn’t warn you 😉